How to Be a Good Mom: 12 Things You Can Do To Be a Better Mother
Spoiler alert: No one can tell you how to be a good mom for your children. You are doing a great job. You are already the best mom for your children.
Following tips like these can just give you some examples, reminders, and support as a mother and help you focus on what matters - the connection you have with your child or children.
Here are twelve things you can do to be a better mother:
1. Care for yourself
To provide security and stability for your child, you need to care for yourself. Self-care doesn’t make you selfish, it helps you to re-energize and reconnect for the work of raising children.
Create space for alone time by taking turns with household chores and child care with other caregivers (a partner, friends, family members, or another parent or person you trust), taking a few deep breaths throughout the day, or sitting outside for a few minutes of quiet time at the beginning or end of the day.
2. Prioritize positive experiences
So much of the day-to-day of being a parent is keeping our kids fed, clothed, and rested (especially at an early age), but I’m guessing those aren’t the activities you dreamed of when you dreamed of having children and being a good mother. Spending time cultivating those positive experiences can remind you why this is all worth it and not to lose sight of what the most important thing is - your family.
Make time to do the things you envisioned doing with your children before they were born - simple things like laughing with them, pushing them on a swing, or going for a walk together while holding hands.
3. Move your body
Exercise can help ease stress by releasing endorphins, which enhance your sense of well-being. A simple mood boost can help you be a better mother on a hard morning or after a full evening with your kids. Life is busy (and that's not a bad thing!) but taking time for movement can build self-esteem, help you build a sense of connection with your body, and focus on feeling good.
Moving your body once a day doesn’t have to mean 45 minutes on the Peloton or hitting the gym - it can be a walk around the neighborhood or park pushing a stroller to get fresh air, a toddler-friendly workout circuit in the backyard that feels like play, or a yoga sequence before bed that makes you a happy, healthy mom.
4. Regulate your own emotions
Practicing regulating your own feelings and providing space for your feelings allows for co-regulation with your child. It models for your kids what it looks like to be a complete human being with real feelings and what it looks like to be able to feel a strong feeling, let it pass, and come back to baseline. You can help your child understand from an early age that emotions are part of the human experience - not good, not bad, and always present.
You can even involve your kids in your own emotional regulation practices by teaching them to take deep breaths with you, pause for 60 seconds to notice the sounds around you, or shake it off with a two song dance party - one they pick and one you pick.
5. Say “no”
Just because you are capable of doing something (or everything), doesn’t mean you have to. Keeping track of appointments, juggling your job and sick kids, getting everyone out of the house for school drop offs and pick ups, making sure baby naps, oh- and making sure your children feel loved and safe and also have fun? It's more than enough for one person to handle. It's easy to take on all the things and hard to set limits, but you are allowed to honor your energetic and emotional limits. Recognize and ditch the mom guilt.
You don’t always have to do more, sometimes letting go and doing less allows for healing, growth, and transformation. This can look like keeping one day a week free from scheduled activities to allow for slowing down, for example, or saying “no” to cooking on Friday nights and ordering take-out instead.
6. Look back and look forward
Parenting is an ongoing learning process. You are continually learning about yourself and your child. As your child grows, you're getting to know each other and growing together. It’s easy to feel like the season you’re currently in will never end, especially if it’s a particularly tough one (I’m looking at you, potty training).
You can remind yourself of how much you’ve learned as a mother and how quickly time does pass by looking back at photos of the early baby days with your child and sharing memories. Looking forward to what’s ahead helps, too - you can do this by making plans for the future, inviting input from your kids about what their hopes are for your family and life.
7. Spend quality time with your kids
Be authentically present with your kids. Our kids can tell when we are distracted and even a small amount of undivided attention can create real connection. That connection helps you bond with your child and improves their social-emotional health. Children grow quickly and sometimes in the quest to be a great mom, we forget to simply enjoy the time we have with them. Being present and enjoying time together can make you a better mother for your children.
Plan special time to spend with your child, for example, doing something they love to do or just cuddling and reading together on the couch. This might mean putting your phone away and devoting all your attention to them for thirty minutes.
8. Be a good mom, not a perfect mom
There’s so much pressure on mothers. But perfection is not an option. There’s no such thing as perfection in motherhood and no one is doing it better. No one is keeping track of how clean your house is or how many art projects you do with your kids. You don't need to feel guilty for making mistakes as you're learning. You are a great mother who loves her children unconditionally and you're a better mother every day.
Acknowledge all of the ways that you are a good mom to your children by making a list of things you are proud of as a mom and your strengths.
10. Turn inward
Notice if you’re comparing yourself to other parents or looking elsewhere for validation about your parenting or your life. This can also be an opportunity to get curious about where your ideas about what a good mother is or does comes from and evaluate if those are really your expectations or if they are someone else’s. You are the expert on your life and your children, you get to decide what it means to be a good mom and how you want to lead your family and parent.
Try making a list of your values and discussing them with your partner or your children, deciding together what your top values are and how you want to live them out in your family.
11. Find community and connection
Social connection has a huge impact on well-being. Parenting can be isolating and lonely, even with a house full of children! Finding community and connection with other parents or people in similar life stages can help alleviate some of the isolation and normalize your experience as you share stories and resources.
Joining a moms group like Fit4Mom or The Mom Walk Collective or attending your local library’s story hour can help you meet other parents and make new friends with other moms who can provide guidance, go through the parenting journey with you, talk and listen, and support you in being a good mother.
12. Ask for help
Being a good mother does not require you to have it all together all the time. Asking for help, getting support, and taking time for yourself will make you a happier, healthier, more present parent for your children.
Asking for help with practical tasks like household labor and all the activities your children have can free up time and energy for self-care.
Seeking help from a licensed professional counselor can also help by reducing your anxiety and stress, strengthening your coping skills, and helping you move forward confidently knowing your values and identity as a mother. Therapy for moms is a great way to take care of yourself so you can take care of your children. Questions about therapy? Book a free phone consultation with Poppy Therapy to see if talking with a therapist for moms could be a good fit for helping you be the best mom you can be.
